a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
