At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
