So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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