No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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