Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
