I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
