I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
