Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
