so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
