Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
