The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Are we still banned from the library?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
