i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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