Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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