Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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