Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
