You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
