I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Everything about him screamed your future.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
