They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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