He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
