this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
