i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
