I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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