i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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