I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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