This house was built for laser tag.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
