Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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