Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
