hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
