I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
