I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
