Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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