He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
