Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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