My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
