i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
