p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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