I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
