Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
