I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
