i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
