God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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