Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
