her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i now understand why vodka
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
