you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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