I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
