dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
