there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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