I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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