sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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