shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
