okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
