Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
